| WELL LOOK WHO GOT A MAKEOVER! IF YOU WANNA CALL IT THAT? IN AN ATTEMPT TO REBRAND, MCDONALD'S HAS TAKEN THE CHUBBY, 1-TOOTHED O.G. HAMBURGLAR KID THAT WE ALL KNEW AND LOVED (WELL, IN A WAY), SPRINKLED A LITTLE MARKETING FAIRY DUST ON HIM AND......POOF! TURNED HIM INTO A MASKED, FEDORA-WEARING D-BAG DAD (WHO BEARS A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO KCRW'S JASON BENTLEY). URBANLY OUTFITTED WITH SKINNY JEANS W/ CARGO POCKETS, A SCHOOL SHOOTER TRENCH, RED HIGH TOPS, A V. CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT STUBBLE AND A SHIT-EATING GRIN, THIS IS MOST DEFINITELY A CREEP YOU CAN EXPECT TO STEAL YOUR BURGERS WHEN YOU AREN'T LOOKING...AND PROBABLY ROOFIE YOUR COCA-COLA TOO, LADIES. PART WWF WRESTLER, PART FRAT BRO LOOKING FOR A DRUNK LATE NIGHT SNACK, THE "NEW AND IMPROVED" HAMBURGLAR IS APPARENTLY WHAT MCDONALD'S EXECS THINK IS "HIP" THESE DAYS....AND MAYBE IT IS FOR THOSE WHO EAT IT (LOOKIN' AT YOU, J. FRANCO!). FOR THE REST OF US, AT THIS POINT ALL WE CAN DO IS HOPE THEY BRING BACK OL' MAYOR MCCHEESE TO LOCK HIM UP AND PUT HIM AWAY FOREVER...OR THAT GRIMACE DRAGS HIS FAT PURPLE, GMO-LOVIN' BUTT OUT OF HIDING TO PERFORM A CITIZENS ARREST ON THIS IDIOT. NOW THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT, MICKY D'S! |  |
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